Just another reminder to Bear fans that we're not allowed to have anything nice. 

There was a lot to unpack in that video, we'll get to the spider bite in a second. First I'd like to address the fact that Kurt Warner literally forgot that he was getting married later in the week when he planned a tryout with the Bears. I've never anticipated my own wedding, so I'm speculating here, but I'm pretty sure that's not something that should slip your mind. Forget a dentist appointment? Sure. Forgot that you agreed to have dinner at her parents that night? If you say so. But, forgetting your wedding doesn't seem like a great sign.

THEN HE FORGOT THEY WERE GOING ON THEIR HONEYMOON THE NEXT WEEK!

Kurt, you just got busted for forgetting you were getting married, then hours later you forgot about the honeymoon? Be better than that.

Then you get to the spider bite, which if you're a long-time Bear fan shouldn't surprise you. The only thing better would have been if it was a snake bite, because then you could say that the Bears are LITERALLY snake-bitten when it comes to signing quarterbacks.

Kurt Warner's career lasted from 1998-2009. The list of Bear quarterbacks during that span looks like this:

  • Erik Kramer
  • Steve Stenstrom
  • Moses Moreno
  • Shane Matthews
  • Cade McNown
  • Jim Miller
  • Chris Chandler
  • Henry Burris
  • Korell "Slash" Stewart
  • Chris Chandler
  • Rex Grossman
  • Craig Krenzel
  • Chad Hutchinson
  • Jonathan Quinn
  • Kyle Orton
  • Jay Cutler

I'll give you a minute.

It's probably for the best that Kurt Warner was poisoned before trying out for the Bears. If they would have signed him, he would have been back to bagging groceries in 6 months. It's just what the Bears do.

P.S.

One more example of Bears futility.

I saw a post on Twitter that had a video of all of Tom Brady's TD passes in a Super Bowl. The video was about a minute and ten seconds long. I wondered how long the Bears video of Super Bowl passes would be.

Any guesses how many Super Bowl TD passes have been completed by a Bears QB?

1.

1 @*&#^n' TD pass in the 54 years of Super Bowls. And of course, it comes from Rex Grossman. Ditka wasn't going to let McMahon pass for one in 1986, he was too busy making sure Walter never saw the endzone.

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