Man Sues In Florida For The Right To Marry His Computer

OK, I gotta be honest. The biggest reason I'm writing about this story is simply because it's an excuse to run one of the best stock photos I've ever seen:

That guy loves his computer! And now we turn to a man who wishes to be allowed to love his computer.

A man named Chris Sevier has filed a motion to intervene on an exisiting Florida gay marriage case currently before the courts. Yes, he wants to marry his computer. His Apple computer, to be exact.

In his document, Sevier argues that if gay couples "have the right to marry their object of sexual desire, even if they lack corresponding sexual parts, then I should have the right to marry my preferred sexual object."

From his filing:

Recently, I purchased an Apple computer. The computer was sold to me without filters to block out pornography. I was not provided with any warning by Apple that pornography was highly addictive and could alter my reward cycle by the manufacturer. Over time, I began preferring sex with my computer over sex with real women. Naturally, I 'fell in love' with my computer and preferred having sex with it over all other persons or things, as a result of classic conditioning upon orgasm.

As the story from the Broward/Palm Beach New Times points out, this doesn't appear to be a serious legal filing:

Short on sound legal grounding (and even shorter on wit), Sevier's filing is obviously an attempt to punk the legal system because he doesn't agree with gay marriage (as he says in the filing, "sexual orientation" never existed as a classification until President Obama came along to advance his "social agenda to make America a 'gay nation.'"

And Sky News notes Sevier appears to be a very litigious kind of guy.

In Florida, the federal judge overseeing the gay marriage case has dismissed Sevier's argument. An appeal is likely. How do I know? Sevier already has filed a 50-page motion to the 10th US Circuit Court of Appeal in a different case originating in Utah.

This is a guy with a lot of time on his hands. (Insert your own joke here)