Is There Cow-Tipping In Illinois? Science Says It’s Complete BS

A friend of mine, an east-coast city slicker type, has frequently suggested to me that I "go tip over a cow, or whatever it is you people do for fun."

When I point out that I've never tipped a cow, attempted to tip a cow, or even met someone who's tipped a cow, he'll give me that skeptical look that says "You're a cow tipper and you know it."

All That Stuff You've Heard About Cow Tipping? Turns Out That It's Total Crap

That's the word from no less an authority than ModernFarmer.com, who for reasons known only to them, decided to debunk this whole cow tipping business once and for all:

While in the history of the world there have surely been a few unlucky cows shoved to their side by boozed-up morons, we feel confident in saying this happens at a rate roughly equivalent to the Chicago Cubs winning the World Series.

Okay, but why do you have to bring the Cubs into this? I didn't say "goat tipping," I said cow tipping. And, where does ModernFarmer.com get the confidence to say that it doesn't happen but twice in 108 years? Have they set up cameras in every Midwestern pasture? I'm betting that the answer is no.

The Reason Cow Tipping Is A Myth Is Because Of...Physics

Cows, unlike horses, sleep on their bellies, which destroys the notion of creeping up on a sound asleep standing cow. Speaking of problems, there's also the problem with the sheer size of an adult cow.

You'd Have Better Luck Trying To Tip Over Many Things Other Than Cows

As one bovine expert interviewed for the ModernFarmer.com piece put it,

"A 1,400-pound dairy heifer is a broad, squarely built animal – there’s a reason the adjective “beefy” exists. You’d have more luck trying to tip over a Toyota Camry than a cow."

Scientists even went so far as to do the math on how many people it would take to tip a cow over. They crunched all the numbers, and determined it would take at least 5 people...and that's assuming the cow would stand still for it.

Which, according to the experts, cows would never do. They'll just shift their weight and run away from their would-be tippers.