Boy Says Goodbye to Goldfish, Tears Ensue

When I was a little boy, I came home from a friend's birthday party with a goldfish. All the kids got one as a thank-you from the birthday girl. Showing signs of the cleverness that would become my calling-card, I named him (her? it?) Goldie.

My mom, who thankfully kept her eye-rolling to a minimum, set Goldie up in a little bowl, with colored rocks on the bottom, and a palm tree in the middle. Goldie seemed very happy with the arrangement.

As time went on, I remember other party attendees lamenting the fact that their goldfish had passed away...and were flushed.

Goldie, however, seemed as healthy and happy as the day I got him. Year after year. After year. Goldie didn't pass away until I was around 12, roughly 7 years after he came home with me from the birthday party.

I commented to my mom that Goldie had to have set some sort of longevity record. She laughed and responded, "Which one?"

You can see where this is going. The original Goldie met his demise in the sink's garbage disposal during a "routine" cleaning. The 2nd Goldie, didn't take too well to the Pop Tart pieces I had dropped in his bowl, and checked out. Similar fates were in store for the next 3 Goldies.

So, like many parents, mine decided to spare me the tears that you see in the video above. Unlike the mom in the video, mine went a little farther, and told me that she had always hated those damn fish.

And, my dog ate my pet turtle that my mom said sneaked out of the house to live in the Rock River with others of his kind.

I just don't know what to believe in anymore.