American dogs have it so much better than Russian dogs. Take my dog Lucy for example. She has access to satellite TV, broadband internet, not one, but two couches, and her own fenced-in backyard. Life for Lucy is good.

Now, if she lived in Russia, she'd have to wander around an apartment complex looking for something to do. I mean, there are only so many garbage cans to raid, cats to chase, or things to bark at for absolutely no reason whatsoever.

If she was lucky, like this group of dogs, there might be a bored couple several stories above the street, looking to amuse themselves with a laser pointer:

These dogs are in far better physical condition than my dog. She's currently reclined on the couch watching Sportscenter.