Rob Friedman, Getty Images

Jim Croce put it very well when he was covering things that one just should not do. According to Mr. Croce, you don't tug on Superman's cape, you don't spit in the wind, you don't pull the mask off the old Lone Ranger, and of course, you don't mess around with Jim (later Slim).

There are other things you should avoid doing if at all possible:

  • Let your 5 year old play with nail polish unattended (same with Sharpies and/or spray paint)
  • Attempt to get rid of that hornets nest in your backyard by throwing a football at it
  • Point out to the police officer that you pay their salary
  • Make bomb jokes while waiting in the security line at the airport

Also, right near the top of the Don't List, using your lighter to determine whether or not you have a full tank of gas:

I just keep picturing Yakov Smirnoff saying "In Mother Russia, gas burns car!"

Comedian Portraits And Performances At The Ice House
Michael Schwartz, Getty Images

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