7 Things About Valentine’s Day That Are Worse Than Living In Illinois
Ah, Valentine's Day. That special time of year when love is in the air and Illinois is covered with mushy soil and potholes. Believe it or not, there are things about Valentine's Day that are worse than living in Illinois.
Wait, did I say worse than living in Illinois? That's right, I did. Don't believe me? Here are seven things about Valentine's Day that are more dreadful than trying to navigate driving into downtown Chicago during rush hour.
Roses are red, violets are blue, your wallet is empty, and your bank account is too. That's right, nothing says "I love you" quite like spending a month's worth of rent on a bouquet of flowers that will die in three days.
Trying to get a reservation on Valentine's Day is like trying to find a parking spot in downtown Chicago. Good luck with that. And if you do manage to snag a table, you'll be crammed in next to dozens of other couples, all trying to have a romantic evening while pretending not to eavesdrop on their neighbor's conversations.
Sappy Social Media Posts
Ah, the modern-day equivalent of carving your initials into a tree. Because nothing says "I love you" quite like broadcasting your feelings to the world via a poorly lit selfie and a cheesy caption.
Awkward First Dates
If you're single on Valentine's Day, you know the struggle. Do you swipe right on every profile in a 50-mile radius and hope for the best? Or do you resign yourself to spending the evening alone, binge-watching You on Netflix, and eating an entire pizza by yourself? Decisions, decisions.
Pressure to be Romantic
If you're in a relationship, Valentine's Day comes with a certain amount of pressure to be romantic. But what if you're just not feeling it? What if you're more of a "let's stay in and watch the game" kind of person? Sorry, bud. You better dust off that rose-petal-covered bedspread and get to work.
There are bad movies, and then there are Hallmark movies. If you're a fan of saccharine-sweet, formulaic romances, then Valentine's Day is your time to shine. If not, well, there's always more binge-watching to do.
Okay, hear me out on this one. I know chocolate is supposed to be amazing, but hear me out. After a certain point, everything starts to taste the same. And if you're not careful, you'll end up with a stomachache that rivals the pain of sitting through a Cubs game in the bleachers on a hot summer day.
Despite those seven pains, at least in Illinois, you can always warm up with a deep-dish pizza and a cold beer. Can't do that with a heart-shaped box of chocolates, now can you?