10 Things You’ll Never Ever Hear a Missouri Person Say

I was born and raised in Missouri and have lived in the Show Me State most of my life and I can attest to the fact that my people talk a lot. I mean that as a compliment. However, there are a number of things you will never ever hear a Missouri person say. This is just the start of phrases you'll rarely if ever hear uttered within our borders.

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Note that this is not a complete list of things you'll never hear a Missouri person say, but it's abbreviated otherwise you'd need to scroll for half an hour on your device. I'll spare you that joy.

I also want to be clear that I'm not trying to offend any out-of-staters, but it happens. I just don't someone coming to Missouri in hopes of hearing any of these phrases and leave disappointed. Let's get this party started.

This phrase might be uttered with a heavy dose of sarcasm, but never seriously. We appreciate warm weather and beaches, but that's as much California as we can deal with on a regular basis.

It's the "Show Me State" so don't say questionable things without being ready to put up or shut up.

Have you ever heard the phrase "A bad day of fishing is better than a great day at work"? That was invented in Missouri. Fishing is not optional here.

If someone in Missouri turns down BBQ, they're officially a visitor and should go back to where they came from as soon as possible. Imposter.

Don't misunderstand. It's not like us Missourians don't like the Bootheel. We're glad it's ours and not Arkansas, but it's never considered the ultimate "go-to place". I had a good friend who lived in the Bootheel years ago. "Had" as in past tense.

If someone offers you water from the Mississippi River to drink, call the police because they're trying to kill you. No one drinks from the river and lives. It's a rule.

If anyone goes outside in Missouri and starts bragging about how lovely the mosquitos look, they're out of their mind. This is why we love the Fogger when it drives through town.

I have never witnessed a Missourian turn down St. Louis Cardinals tickets. It's just not a phrase our mouths are capable of saying. If you can't use your tickets, we will and we might even be willing to pay you for them.

If you look up the phrase "LA Rams" in a Missouri dictionary, you'll see it next to the word "traitor".

I have a lot of Chicago Cub friends. I am not allowed to speak to them between April and September. Normally they don't play ball in October and that's when we can be friends again.