Peeing Cicadas: Video Shows What’s Coming To Illinois Soon

Depending on where you live in Illinois, you may already be experiencing the historical emergence of cicadas, or you're just about to have it happen.

According to all the cicada experts out there, we're just not going to be able to avoid the emergence of billions, if not a trillion, cicadas over the next week or so. All the conditions that cicadas need for this massive, multi-state orgy they've been planning for 17 years are in place, and they're ready to rock.

By "rock" I mean make noises louder than a lawnmower or motorcycle, mate until they're near death, and literally urinate all over the entire state.

Take a look:

If Billions And Billions Of Somewhat Creepy Looking Bugs That Will Produce Noise In Excess Of 100 Decibels Day After Day Isn't Enough To Bother You, How About The Fact That They'll Be Peeing Everywhere, Including On You And Your Pets

Here's basically how it breaks down. Cicadas, like many creatures, need to regulate their body temperature, and to do so they drink a lot of something called xylem. Xylem is, according to Vocabulary.com, "hollow, tube-like tissue, almost like tiny pipes that carry water and minerals to every part of a plant."

So the cicadas load up on the water and minerals in the xylem to cool off, and then once they're cool, they quickly squirt the stuff right back out. That's no problem if there are just a few cicadas doing it, but when a few hundred thousand or a million cicadas do it, it's really pretty noticeable.

Especially if you're right under them when it happens. And, since cicadas spend a lot of time in trees...

Here's The Bad News-Good News Scenario Illinoisans: The Bad News Is That Cicadas Are Going To Be Peeing Freely And Will Probably Pee On You, While The Good News Is That Cicada Pee Is Basically Harmless

When you think about it, so is human pee--but I still don't want to be a target for it. According to MentalFloss.com, "standing beneath a tree buzzing with cicadas on a hot day can feel like being caught in a rain shower. Though getting doused with cicada juice isn't exactly pleasant, it won't hurt you. The "pee" is actually excrement commonly known as honeydew."

The pee from the Brood X cicadas native to the eastern U.S. is more of a spritz, but in other species, like the ones emerging in Illinois, it's going to be a full stream.
Here's another look at cicadas peeing like crazy: