Now That’s a Real Man

This is like a beer commercial come to life.

From the Sydney Morning Herald comes the tale of New Zealand spearfisherman James Grant (who really ought to change his name to Captain Awesome, Commodore Manly, or something with the appropriate level of testosterone).

Here's why:

A New Zealand man has survived being attacked by a shark: driving it off with his knife, stitching his own wound onshore and going to the pub for a beer before heading to hospital.

Gotta like this guy's style.

Junior doctor James Grant was spearfishing with friends near Colac Bay at the base of the South Island on Saturday when he was attacked by what he believed was a sevengill shark.

The 24-year-old was in about two metres of murky water when he felt a tug on his leg, which he initially thought was a friend playing a trick on him.

Yeah, there's really nothing more fun than playing the old "The water's murky, I'm gonna trick my friend into thinking I'm a shark" game. Turns out, however, the source of the tugging wasn't one of James' pals.

He didn't see the shark and had no idea how big it was. He said he thought it might have been about 20 centimetres across the jaw. However, he wasn't scared.

"[I thought] bugger, now I have to try and get this thing off my leg."

There's your money quote. "Bugger, now I have to try to get this thing off my leg." So what did James do then?

He already had his diving knife in his hand and stabbed at the shark.

"I am not sure how effective it was. I guess it let go so something must have happened, put a few nicks in it."

Well, at least he got the shark to let go. And luckily, he had some friends along he knew he could count on for help...not.

He tried to get the attention of his three friends, who were spearfishing just around the bay, but they did not take him seriously.

"I thought surely he hasn't been bitten, there's no way he has been bitten, he's got to be taking the piss, (drinking or drunk)" Mackley Lindsay said.

His friends carried on fishing while Dr Grant tacked the wounds together with a needle and thread from his first-aid kit for his pig-hunting dogs.

So much for helpful friends. So let's recap. You're attacked by a shark, you stab it with your dive knife to make it let go, and you get zero help from your friends, thereby forcing you to stitch up your own bite wounds using a first aid kit earmarked for your pig-hunting dogs. C'mon, who hasn't gone through it? At least he headed straight for the nearest hospital, right? Nope.

The group then went to the Colac Bay Tavern, where he was given a bandage because he was dripping blood on the floor.

The stitching was finished off when he went to Southland Hospital, where he was back at work on Monday.

Pub first, hospital later. Back to work the next day. Bless you, Captain Awesome!