I have an addiction.

Whenever I'm whittling away at my last throes of procrastination sitting at my desk, half the time I find myself squeezing the last bit of dopamine from a dark corner of the internet.

The comment section on political Facebook posts from local media stations.

It's amazing.

My Facebook feed only consists of a few things.

    • Posts from my circle of friends from 2005 when I made this account and haven't had contact with since 2007.
    • The three groups I subscribed to in 2005 that are still around.
    • Videos of people doing trick shots (they're usually awesome)
    • Those 5-Minute Panda craft videos? These are the most ridiculous things on the internet. Look at this. They always start with a reasonable one that no one will ever use and just devolve into madness.
  • Ads for Legos
  • Local social media.

It's only the last one that I dive into. Reading the comment sections on these pieces are just a tour de force by everyone involved. You really get a true feeling of strong division and what ever the exact opposite of empathy is on every side of the equation.

I usually take in about 5 minutes of this, feel a little bit better about myself and move on.

But today, I stumbled on something unique.

It was under a story about the terrible shooting in Michigan this week.

By the way, if you have to read something about that. You shouldn't be reading about that guy, you should be reading about Tate Myre.

Anyway. The first comment that Facebook showed, and I didn't even have to click anything, was this.

Joe Dredge
Joe Dredge
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I'll transcribe that if the print is too small.

Shannon sees it like most of us are seeing it. One very obvious example is what we have shoved at us on the T.V. screen. Those putrid commercials where you have to hear that jive talk and see those god awful lips and hair dos. To top it all when (sic) we Christmas shop we have to pay for ours.

Wow. I blacked out this guy's name because I didn't want to embarrass anyone but if this sounds like someone you know, you should reach out because I think there might have been a stroke towards the end of this.

A lot to unpack there, so let's break it down sentence by sentence.

Shannon sees it like most of us are seeing it.

I don't know who Shannon is. Normally, I would have expanded after reading this comment, but the ending just took me by surprise.

One very obvious example is what we have shoved at us on the T.V. screen.

Ah. This guy must live in one of those areas where they force you to watch T.V. Clockwork Orange style.

I'm also not sure what the example is and from what but, uh, I don't think he likes it.
Seriously people, if you don't like something, don't watch it. I didn't like what How I Met Your Mother was doing during season 7, and I just stopped watching. It's easy.

Those putrid commercials where you have to hear that jive talk and see those god awful lips and hair dos.

Ehhhh. I'm not going to say it, but geez.

To top it all when we Christmas shop we have to pay for ours.

I think he at least needs a comma between "all" and "when," but I think the intent is "To top it all off," and then he goes into a tirade about having to pay for Christmas presents.

Who is getting free presents? Does this guy think Santa is real? I saw his profile photo and he looked well over 50.

There's at least one person that feels like me on this. I think. What does that emoji on the post mean?

Anyway, just stay off Facebook guys, you'll be happier.

 

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