3 Specific Reasons You Need To Avoid Illinois On Friday The 13th

Attention all potential visitors to the great state of Illinois: if you value your life and your well-being, you will avoid setting foot in our fine state on Friday the 13th. That's right. Friday the 13th. The day of superstition and bad luck.

But why, you might ask, should you avoid Illinois on Friday the 13th? Well, let me tell you. For starters, we have more than our fair share of serial killers and haunted houses. Just think of John Wayne Gacy and the Winchester Mystery House.

And have you ever heard of the Exorcist stairs? Yeah, those are in Illinois too. So, if you're looking for a good scare, we've got you covered.

See More: 25 Sure-Fire Ways To Annoy Someone From Illinois

But it's not just the ghosts and ghouls you have to worry about. Oh no, we've got plenty of other dangers lurking around every corner. Take our potholes, for example.

You'll Be Swallowed Whole

They're big enough to swallow a small car whole. And our drivers? Don't even get me started. They're like a horde of zombies on the highway, mindlessly swerving and slamming on their brakes for no apparent reason.

Stay Indoors

And let's not forget about the weather. On Friday the 13th, we're guaranteed to have a thunderstorm that will make Noah's flood look like a light sprinkle. It's not uncommon for the wind to reach speeds of up to 100 mph, making it impossible to open your car door or walk down the street without being blown away. And if you're unlucky enough to be caught in one of our infamous tornadoes, well, let's just say it's not a pleasant experience.

But perhaps the most terrifying thing about Illinois on Friday the 13th is the government. Yes, the government. With our corrupt politicians and bureaucratic red tape, you're more likely to get trapped in a never-ending nightmare than receive any kind of help. Trust me, you're better off dealing with the devil himself than trying to navigate the labyrinth of government bureaucracy.