And the Mustached American of The Year Is…

...not Riley.

Boooooooooo.

If you're just joining us, last month I nominated Riley for the Mustached American of the Year award, presented by the American Mustache Institute. Later we found out that Riley was a finalist for the honor. We asked you to go vote and support Rockford's finest mustache in this competition.

I'm sorry to inform you the votes have been "tabulated" and the winner of this year's award is Stephen Dash Brown of Richmond, Va. He's described thusly on the AMI website:

A native of Richmond, Virginia, Dash is a longtime proponent of the sexually dynamic Mustached American lifestyle – embodying all that is right within the global facial hair community. A tireless activist of the free facial hair movement and active member of the RVA Beard League, Dash leverages his talents and rugged good looks to promote his city in a positive light, as well volunteering countless hours to local non-profits and charities.

I will say I'm slightly suspicious of the vote count. Is it just a coincidence the winner resides in the same town where "Stache Bash 2014" was held? This demands a full investigation and nothing less will be acceptable.

As for Riley, he's a Cubs fan. The phrase "Wait 'til Next Year" is tattooed into his DNA.